20 Things you want to get mad about… But can’t.

Moms have anger. You may not even realize why. I don’t think I did until I started making this list. Because we have to deal with all the things on this list on a decently regular basis and we can’t even be properly mad about them. We have to just swallow it down because you just can’t be mad at these things. But we really want to.

When someone puts your dishes away wrong.

Why are you the only one who can see that THAT looks like a chaotic shit pile of plates? Just put them in order of size, man!

When someone loads the dishwasher wrong.

Their way doesn’t fit as many dishes, nor does it get those dishes as clean.

When someone riles you baby up by tickling them before bed.

They’re playing with your kid. They’re forming a relationship. It’s bonding time. But oh my GOD does it have to be at bedtime?!

When someone destroys the bathroom before you.

Poop smells. But man, can you just turn on a damned fan or something?

Pretty much every time your husband has to poop.

I know it’s a normal body function that everyone has to do. But… Why does it take so damned long?! Poop at work and get paid for it. Holy hell.

When your kids destroying your kitchen to make breakfast.

Independence comes at a price, mama. And that price is a gross ass kitchen.

When your child folds the laundry. Like absolute shit.

But they’re learning and it’s helpful and it isn’t their fault that you’re nuts and will redo every piece they fold.

How long it takes your kid to do absolutely anything.

Because they’re learning. But holy mother of GOD, how long can one person take to put on slip on shoes? Seriously. THEY SLIP ON.

When someone watches your kids and lets them do crap you’d never let them.

If you’re not paying a person, you kinda have to take what you get. Which means they’re gonna get their apple juice undiluted and their nap schedules are gone to shit.

When grandma gives your kids elaborate crafts that will take you 2 hours to do with them.

Or paint. Or candy. Or a billion and 10 stickers. Or milkshakes for dinner. Or donuts for breakfast every day for a week.

When your kid makes a mess making you a surprise.

Surprise! I made you a card! It comes with marker all over the kitchen table. You’re welcome.

When your toddler CAN NOT WHISPER when the baby’s napping.

Or stay away from the baby’s door. Or just be quiet doing anything for any length of time.

When your husband switches the laundry over and puts your delicates in the dryer.

But at least it’s keeping you from having to rewash them… Because you’d have never remembered to do it yourself

When your semi potty trained kid has an accident.

Again. She’s learning. And that learning means you’re cleaning up piss and shit full-time.

When your not-at-all potty trained kid poops in the bath.

Wet turds. It’s the grosses thing ever. Your little ones doesn’t really control themselves yet. But it’s really hard to stay calm when you’re disinfecting a shit tub. And thinking to yourself, you’ll never have another bubble bath again.

When a baby pees on you.

They can’t even control it. It’s not fair to get angry about, really. But it’s hard to not take it personally. It’s piss. On you. That isn’t even yours.

When your child needs to eat. Again.

Didn’t you just eat, kid? How often do you really need to do this?

Your baby just wants cuddles and not to sleep independently.

You’re adorable, baby. God I love your snuggles. But ya know what else I like? Not being attached to a baby 24/7. Now go the eff to sleep, please.

When your kid doesn’t feel good and just wants mommy. And says screw you daddy mommy has to do everything for me, now.

It’s good to be the source of comfort. It’s a bit of a feather in my cap, not going to lie. But a little help is preferred.

When your kids get into things… while you’re ignoring them to write an article on your stupid blog.

Balls.

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