The entire premise of the Friend Zone is baffling to me. Dude feels an attraction to a girl. He makes friends with her and then makes a move. She shuts him down. He chooses to stay friends with her. End result is somehow she has put him in the friend zone?
Doesn’t a guy put himself in the friend zone if he gets shut down and still sticks around?
He doesn’t have to stay friends with her if it hurts him. That is not her fault. And if he chooses to remain friends, after she’s told him she is not interested in more, why is it her responsibility to cut him out? If he knows she doesn’t want more than friendship and he sticks around for the friendship; then he’s a friend. Not friend zoned. He’s just friend.
Being a friend isn’t the consolation prize for striking out.
If someone doesn’t want to be friends, then he shouldn’t fake it to try to get to “more than friends” status. It’s absurd.
A girl isn’t to blame because she doesn’t want to date a guy. She’s allowed to make that call. It doesn’t make her a bitch or cruel. She can have any number of reasons and none of those reasons… none make her the villain. Even if she just doesn’t find a guy attractive. She doesn’t have to find all “nice guys” attractive. Nor does she owe him a date because he’s paid “friend zone dues.”
She doesn’t owe him anything.
I’ve compiled a list of reasons why my friends and I have all rejected “Nice guys”:
- Never made a move, despite expressing interest. (We’re not going to push you, dude.)
- Cried during the Notebook. Noooooooooope.
- Joked about the girl actually being the man in the relationship (complete with offering her a strap-on)
- Persisted after being told no
- His mom cuts his food, pays his bills, cuts his toe nails. (Creepy, dude. Creepy.)
- He’s watched a girl with her friends – with unwavering and creepy interest – from across the room
- He’s closed minded on politics and/or religion
- You don’t have any chemistry (even if HE feels it, doesn’t mean SHE does)
- He sends unsolicited dick pics. (Which is NEVER ok.)
- The girl is already in a relationship. (Why is this even a thing we have to mention? What’s best case scenario here? You ruin a happy relationship? That doesn’t bode well for you, either, dude.)
And most of those things don’t make him a bad guy; they don’t exclude him from friend status. But they are perfectly legit reasons a girl should reject him.
If you strike out, the solution is simple. Move onto someone else and try not to ruin it by being a freakin’ creeper. If she changes her mind, she’ll let you know.
Rejecting someone doesn’t make you the bad guy
If someone doesn’t want to date you, that does not make them a bad person. We’ve all been told by people who love us, “If they can’t see what an amazing person you are, there’s something wrong with them!” so often that we are completely comfortable blaming them for rejecting us. It hurts to be rejected. I know that. I’ve had my share. But the “Nice Guys” who play the victim actually believe in their bones that being rejected by someone makes that other person deficient in some way.
Sometimes you’re just not someone’s cup of tea.
And that’s ok, man. Everyone is their own special flavor. If someone doesn’t like your flavor, that doesn’t mean there’s nothing wrong with them. They just don’t like it. If it hurts to be friends with someone after they’ve rejected you; don’t. It’s not her (or his) fault that you don’t walk away. If someone hurts you unintentionally, you have to acknowledge it’s not intentional and move the hell on, buddy.