Every marriage is a struggle. It’s not easy. You will never be able to find someone who you don’t have conflict with occasionally while you’re attempting to share your life with them. I’m certainly not exempt. For what it’s worth, my take on the matter is, you’ll have your ups and downs but your marriage will survive if you marry someone who does or has these 9 things.
Marry Someone Who…
Has a laugh that makes you laugh
This is my favorite part of my husband. His laugh makes me laugh. We can be in the middle of a fight, and if he laughs, I laugh. Every time. No matter how mad. It’s more than a little annoying. But I love it. His laugh is so loud, it’s straight up embarrassing. I almost dread going to see comedies with him. People will stare. But I dare you not to laugh with him. That charming son of a bitch.
You can passionately debate
You need to be able to have it all out and have the heated discussions. You don’t want to minimize what you’re passionate about with your spouse, even if he/she disagrees. You need to be able to argue passionately without it endangering your marriage. You have to still like him afterwards. So you can’t hold back, but you can’t want to say dick move stuff. Like, if you’re arguing politics… you have to be able to leave his mother out of it. Ya know, that kind of thing. Really, you just need to be good at fighting.
You don’t mind having sex with him
Please note I did not say someone you want to have sex with. I mean you don’t mind it. Even when you’re not in the mood. No seriously. Like, if you only have sex when you’re both in the mood, pretty soon you’ll be down to like, once a month or less. How the hell are you supposed to sync that up? That is virtually impossible! And that makes it hard to maintain intimacy across the board.
You think is intelligent
You don’t have to think he (or she) is smarter than you, but you should respect their intellect. Because beauty fades. Excitement fades. Rampant erections don’t last forever. Eventually you’ll only have conversation to keep you tied together and happy. Make sure he/she can give you a good one.
You want to make proud
Dude, the only reason I ever push myself for anything is if I know it’ll make him proud. Which may be pathetic, but I like to think of it as me just being really lazy. And, that inconvenient bastard, he’s never proud of me for binge watching shows all day. Which is a shame, because I’m way better at that than keeping the house clean, working part time, kids happy and educated and staying pre-baby weight. But *sigh* I like when I impress him. (Pro-tip: Keep the bar low.) Just kidding… mostly.
If you marry your clone, what’s even the point? If you marry someone who sees things from a different angle or has a different perspective than you, then you’ll always be pushed into seeing their side; even if you don’t agree with it. This will help you avoid hate. It helps prevent you from villain-izing the “other side.” Obviously don’t marry someone who disagrees with you on the things that are incredibly important to you. You don’t want to spend your life fighting. But having someone push you to open your mind is a beautiful thing.
You have fun with
Marry the person who you enjoy doing absolutely nothing with. Even if you rarely do absolutely nothing. Marry the guy who you have fun with on a road trip or just at dinner. Because, again, not to put too fine a point on it; everything fades except conversation. Find someone who you will enjoy even when all you can do is rock on the porch.
Tests your limits
I always say each day with my husband is a little bit further outside my comfort zone. I don’t want to go out in the snow and build another stupid snowman. Playing in the rain means I’m gonna be wet and possibly muddy. It holds no appeal to me to run a 5k. Spending the night on vacation drunk in an unknown village where I don’t know the language is a scary idea to me. I’d much rather play dress up with the girls than go on a hike up a damned mountain. Or kayak a river. But he makes me. And as long as I don’t set my mind from the get-go that it’s going to be miserable… it’s usually pretty epic.
Builds you up
He may be realistic. He may be just the kind of person to call me out on every damned thing I try to get away with. But he won’t let people tear me down. He won’t let me tear myself down. He barely ever compliments me in a traditional sense (unless he’s trying to get laid). But he builds me up in the most matter of fact way that leaves me without any question that I’m awesome.
Is your friend
I can tell. No matter what he says from his stupid smart ass mouth. He likes me. He doesn’t try to change me, or make excuses for me, or deny the parts of me he doesn’t like. He sees all of me, and he still likes me. He’s on my side, no matter what.