Your baby isn’t colic and it’s probably not teething, mama.

Being a mom is hard, even if you have loads of experience. And in my opinion, teething is absolutely the worst (normal) part of having babies.

Everything that goes wrong with your baby seems like a catastrophe. Baby has the sniffles. She has a fever. He is grouchy.  She won’t sleep. He needs held constantly. She won’t stop nursing. He falls asleep when I’m feeding him and then is starving all night.

Veteran moms will tell you one of two things when you’re helpless with your new baby. If they try to “fix” the baby and it works: the baby is just teething. If they try to fix her and it doesn’t work: that baby is colic. Poor Mom. There’s just nothing that can be done; some babies are colicky. Here’s some wine.

Bad News: Women tell you that just to calm you down.

And we’ve all been told it so much that we all kind of thing it’s true. So we teach it the next gen of new moms. And so on and so forth. Forever. Because all babies get teeth, it’s an easy lie. Eventually they will  have some symptoms of teething and it will break up your routine and make everything harder.

But the truth is, teething can’t cause most of that stuff. I mean, sure it can cause crankiness and getting up in the night to scream about pain, but that’s really pretty much it. The good news is: most of that stuff is no.big.deal.

Veteran moms didn’t start telling new moms this because they were mean liars. They did it because new moms make a big deal of nothing. And that’s ok! But the most common cause for all that, a tiny virus, will pass and you’ll be none the wiser. So blame the teething. Suuuuure. It’s

teething” (Big air quotes there.)

As for colic… you may just be up shit creek, there, mama

I have no little note on how to figure this one out. I’ve never had a baby with colic. But I’ve talked to doctors. I thought i had a colicky baby when I was a new mom who didn’t know what the hell she was doing. If the intensity of the crankiness improves after a few days or it’s less than a few hours, then it really isn’t colic.

Honestly, you’re playing the odds, with this one. Only 20-25% of Babies have it and for them to “diagnose” it, the baby has to have been crying for more than three hours (without a break), for more than three days a week, for 3 weeks in a row. And while you may think “Oh yeah, we’re definitely there” I bet you’ll find if you start actually taking note of the times and dates, you’re actually not. At most only a quarter of babies have it anyways.

They say trust your instincts.

Sure, go ahead. I’m certainly not saying to avoid taking your kid to the doctor if you think something’s wrong. Maybe it is teething. Maybe your baby does have colic. But find a bit of peace knowing that it is statistically, probably nothing to worry about.

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