Have you ever heard the phrase “Nice guys finish last”? Maybe you’ve had a guy claim you’ve “friend zoned” him. This is the idea that women, on some subconscious level, want to be treated like shit. And if a guy isn’t going to treat her like shit, she won’t want him. Women love the bad boy, right?
Um, am I the only one that sees that as total escapism?
What a great way to not own your rejection. Once upon a time I had such a guy send me the lyrics to this song:
He claimed I couldn’t see him as anything but a friend because he treated me so nicely. And he did, actually – most of the time. He went to see “chick flicks” with me, He knew all the moves and words to every NSYNC song and he was good fun to chat with about “girly” things. He would do anything I (or several other girls in our circle of friends) wanted. And I knew he had a crush on me. I politely rejected him but we still hung out. I am sure it hurt him to see me date other guys. And I’m sure that sucked. But he still invited me to parties; still suggested he come on girl trips.
Just one problem with his little hissy fit, though:
He completely forgot about when he got drunk at a party and held me down to forcibly feel me up.
So… he’s definitely not everything I want. I don’t need a guy like that. Lurking behind his little “Yes Man” facade … he’s an effing creeper.
The reason this has come to mind again, a decade after the fact is the #metoo campaign. Because, in order to really seal on his “nice guy” facade, he posted a big, long commentary on his Facebook about how he supports the brave women who’ve come forward. He admonishes men who’ve assaulted women and reminds women that not all men are bad. He’s a nice guy who would never do that kind of thing. Reading it made me physically ill.
And then a few days later he posts (again) lamenting how he just can’t find a girl who wants a nice guy. How he keeps getting rejected for being a nice guy. Among a long list of real rejection reasons, there’s this one pretty high up on the list:
Sexual freaking assault
Screw you, dude. Screw all you little creepers who think they’ve been unjustly “friend zoned” and then get drunk and get inappropriate. Because what I’ve noticed, after talking to other ladies, is that this tends to be a trend. It is an unspoken rule women have: Don’t get drunk around the “nice guy” you’ve rejected. He’ll get handsy, inappropriate and sometimes down right rape-y. Just because you’re pissed you get shut down and hurt after a rejection, it doesn’t give you a right to sexually freaking assault a person. You may not realize it, yet. But the truth is simple: You’re not a victim because you’re hurt. If you turn a rejection into a sense of entitlement, you are a perpetrator.
So this is me. Calling out all you “Nice guys.” Make sure you’re not turning a blind eye.
Take a better look.
You are owed nothing. Not a physical payment for your “niceness” and not a pity party for your rejection and certainly not forgiveness for lashing out and freaking assaulting someone.