Secret Life of a Closet Mom

What if I told you there was a world within your world? That there already was a mom cult (basically)? And that you’d probably be a happier person if you were a part of it?

You are now entering the Closet World

Do you know what a “Closet Mom” is? It’s kind of crazy if you’ve never heard of it, if I’m being honest. It’s all about kids clothes. (Your kid’s closet… get it?) Particularly kids boutique clothes, but not exclusively. If you don’t know what classifies as “Boutique Clothes” then you’re not alone. I didn’t either. It mostly means expensive as shit. But if you’re going to talk to a closet mom.

How To:

You’re gonna need kids, first. (Duh)

Then you’ll need to get over any aversion to your kid wearing used clothes. And a strong desire to save a bunch of money. And then an even stronger desire to buy other people’s clothes they’ve outgrown and save money

Then you’ll have to start another Facebook account.

If you can get in with a “closet Mom” and it’s better. Then she’ll introduce you to other moms. I joined because I had a friend who was a photographer so the other moms kind of swarmed her. (Plus she has a great online presence and personality.) I just made a Facebook account for my daughters, in their name and I friend requested her closet account. Then she, Lord of all, tagged me in a post saying what my kids sizes and my preferences were and I got hundreds of friend requests within a couple hours.

Join a bunch of BST pages

BST is Buy, Sell, Trade. It’s all “resale” … You’re buying other people’s gently used clothing. Unless it’s marked NWT (new with tags), NWOT (new without tags), NIB (new in box) or NIP (new in package). Because when you have a love of kids clothes… there’s a decent chance you’re going to overbuy. And then your kid will outgrow before they wear and BAM, you’ve got NWT stuff to sell. This definitely saves you, since otherwise you’d be selling it at a yard sale or giving it to your cousin’s cousin who doesn’t care about boutique clothes and is just going to ruin it.

There are pages for every brand you can think of; but it’s mostly known for the brands you can’t buy at stores. Or that only have a small store. And of these, the ones that are like, a mom and her family designing and making clothes are the ones that do the best. KPea is my favorite.

PayPal account

The more PayPal savvy you are the better. You’ll need to pay through PayPal for your loot and you’ll need to send invoices once you sell your stuff, too. Did I mention that?

You get to sell your crap, too!

Do you have some clothes that are just darling but your kiddo outgrew it before you could wear it? Because I do. With every kid. Which is probably something I should be embarrassed about. … I’m really not.

But if you do, and it’s boutique type clothes, you’re gonna make some extra bank reselling it. And who knows? Maybe you have some crazy rich lady’s “unicorn” and you can sell it for like $1,500. Nope. Not a typo. That’s a real amount someone bought a used dress for a year or so ago. And she had competition. It wasn’t just ONE crazy rich lady. It was like, dozens. And then maybe you have some moderately rich, moderatly crazy lady’s unicorn. And you sell a dress you bought for $50 for like, $75. Whatever, Profit!

Mostly you’ll take a teeny hit, though. But as long as you’re good at laundry, you can still sell it for a good price (a LOT more than you’d get out of a consignment sale) and make some of your money back at least. I’m terrible at laundry and my kids are little dirtballs, so I never make my money back. I always have to list everything as “Play” … but hey, I still make better than the consignment sales!

Things you don’t need but help:

Southern roots

This is why I’ve never really fit in here. I’m a Yank who just happened to be living in the south for a bit. I don’t buy the “Happy Fall, Y’all” stuff. Because I don’t say “y’all” (if I can help it.) I don’t like smocking (much) and I think bows should be discreet additions, not like, a testimony of how much I love my kid. (The bigger the bow, the more you love your kid, I think is the saying…. Or something. It gets excessively hilarious, I’m not going to lie.)

I moved back up north after having spent 5 years with southern kids and the first week of school my kid starts getting teased for her ruffle pants. It broke my heart. I love ruffle pants! Even her teachers nicknamed her “Ruffles” … she hated it. The North just does not appreciate the young kid clothes like the South does. It’s just a difference in culture. Not to say I don’t still put my baby in bubbles with smocking. Because it’s cute, dammit. But I don’t let my kids get teased for being different. She’ll have enough of that being my child, I don’t want to add to it.

Competitive nature

Oh, you get to hop online and try to be the first one to comment your paypal address on a bunch of stuff that everyone wants. And if you’re first… You win! Woo hoo! And if you’re going to be buying new from sites, there are site that straight up load a new design and sell out in 5 minutes. You will be refreshing and spamming “add to cart” as fast as you can and still probably not get it. But if you do? Oh, Lord, what a little rush you’ve got. Well-Dressed-Wolf sells out almost instantly and then resells for hundreds of dollars. If not thousands. And no, I’m not exaggerating.

Girls

There are some boy stuff, don’t get me wrong. But if you’re not Southern you probably won’t like it, if I’m being honest. My Northern sensibilities mostly think the little boy boutique clothes are all kinda … effeminate. Which is sexist and terrible and I should just be happy I don’t have any boys because it’s hard to find that stuff anyways. Meanwhile dresses! Ruffles! Bows! Necklaces! Girls have a much wider selection.

No problem keeping things from your husband

Get the mail before he does. Because he’ll see your dozens of polymail packages and explode. Trust me. It will happen. No husband is ok with seeing a constant, daily parade of purchases of fancy dresses for a little girl who doesn’t care about them, will definitely get them dirty and will outgrow some before she can eve wear them.

To be a stay at home mom

Um… mostly to get the mail before your husband does. But also to make damned sure you get the good shit before someone else does.

But it’s not just clothes

Here’s where this little “cult” becomes something so, so much better. Imagine a place full of moms who’s entire lives (at least on their kid’s closet page) revolve around their kids. They talk about mom things, they have the same mom problems and mom questions.

And talk about support? Oh my goodness these women give it in spades. You struggle with a divorce, a sick kid, bullies at your kids school, random rashes teething… anything. There are literal thousands of moms who have been there and have nothing but love to give you. I’m not very social on there. (Because they’re mostly good and proper southern belles and I feel like I’d probably appall most of them.) But when my daughter was in the hospital with a heart issue, there was nothing but an outpouring of love and support.

They start gift baskets and prayer chains and they defend each other from attacks. (Hey, it’s online and there’s a bunch of hormonal moms… that does happen, too. But the support far outweighs it.) They have meet ups even. They travel to help you with a photo shoot or when you’re in labor. This little cult is really good at taking care of each other. It’s heart warming and refreshing; it really is.

They even have side hustles that can really hook you up.

Your Christmas list is easy as shit and you’ll be helping moms just like you. There’s a bunch of photog moms (Photographers… but really the only one you need to know is Taylor at 6:15 Photography-she’s the best.) There’s a mom that makes unique (and amazing) jams. One that does vinyl signs, or wood monograms. There’s a mom that does bows, one that does necklaces. One mom even does Disney packages. And a certified midwife who travels (within reason)! Even online co-ops where you pay much less for genuinely high quality stuff!

And then there’s Zulily

They have a lot of good boutique stuff from time to time and there’s significant’y less struggle getting what you want. But it’s all full price and it’s all brand new. If you’re wanting to get a deal… just sayin’ … *sings* clooooset woooorld.

But if you want an invite to zulily… let me know I’ll gladly send an invite and get $15 for referring you.

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